As i feel - an imaginative conversation by A.R.Rahman with his Inner self

* A figment of imagination - Getting into the mind of A.R.Rahman on the day of his 44th birthday as he tells us what he is going through lately. An imaginative conversation by A.R.Rahman with his inner self

Is it 12 already? Insha Allah – Ella Pugazhum Iraivanuke! But where am I? AM? Panchanthan? Mumbai? Is it Los angles or UK? I did it again! People tell me not to sleep on studio floor ... but what can I do? I sleep better around the instruments on floor than in the bed ... he he ... my infectious infamous sleeping hours! After all these years, should I think about changing this? hmm ... strange so many years have gone by and I still am anxious as to how my album will fair. Am I satisfied by success alone? Have I become a person who wants more money too? Is that why I accepted Azhagiya Tamizh Magan? I keep telling myself am doing things to satisfy the hunger in me, the listener in me and most importantly what comes to me from beyond. Still I want it to reach the way I want it to. A week to go right? Aargh ... the anxiousness! Did I actually raise the bar? Seriously? I have told myself: the international exposure through the ticket called Oscar is, and will remain only a ticket. Let people laugh at me for choosing Couples Retreat and Blue after all this. I have always chosen movies based on the scope of freedom to do what i feel. I do need to be gratified ain't I? Yah! ... My freedom is not stopping me from experimenting; like I played around the theme of ocean in the most unexpected manner on both these films. Did it work? Did it reach the audience? Did it suit the movie? These questions always scare me. Am I choosing movies for me to do what I want to do regardless of what the director asked? Did I fail in Blue? I know I have gone to the extremes of experimentation with Blue – not the one which I do with Rakesh or Mani Sir. Ah my guts to try a south flavoured song in Blue. And they are saying its an ode to the 70s!! ha ha ...The telugu audience did accept my Ne Manasu Naaku Telusu ... but Naani? hmmm. What about Endhiran? Shankar didn’t want to start the fight again so he was quiet about Sivaji background score. Not this time around. I know the continuum will sound very eerie and futuristic like he requested me. It’s after all a thriller in Rajini’s style. I hope his daughter keeps up with her schedule. Why am I using all my ideas which were meant for my albums in films? ... let me think ... did it start with Chaiya Chaiya? What about Chiku buku? Shouldn’t directors come up with these kinds of ideas? ... what am i saying! They have come to me expecting me to create these new horizons for them to work on. Now we have a paradox here! Do I want people to let me do what ever I feel? or I want them to give unusual concepts to work on? But sometimes I feel am going back to sufi and kawali too often if they let me free. Isn't that too a director's job? to chanelise my thoughts to the direction they desire? Whats that song? ... yah Hosanna. I could pitch it with Rajeev’s idea for Anbendra mazhaille. Isn't it nice to ask a cross cultural song between a hindi boy and a Christian girl. I hope people realise the real beauty of this song after they see the film. hmmm he he ... Mani Sir! Who ever may come, how can Mani Sir still be so unique in his request? Like he always says, "as we can’t avoid escapism in cinema using music (which we both hate) lets beautify the escapism and use it as a tool rather than a gimmick". Isn’t it strange to work with him and also with the master of gimmicks with his grand scheme which only he can think and commission in this grand scale! I guess it's natural that I get confused with an Indian-Japanese project, a English-Chinese project, a tamil - malyalam project, a lot of hindi and tamil projects. But I feel working on one spectrum will help me bring a new dimension when I do music for another spectrum. Purist may tell am adulterating. If I don’t adulterate Munnbe Vaa would have remained just another song. Aren’t we in a global village now? Or it is because of my background? Does this marriage of culture come because of that? Am I a person who was lucky to be born when everything that I believe in, is believed to be great? Insha Allah – Ella Pugazhum Iraivanuke!

The Messiah of Music - my previous article on A.R.Rahman - click here