Friday, June 24, 2011

Sucker the boss (bastion of servile serpents)

Chapter I
Hell sounds real

Everyone in this world would have had to report to someone at some point of time. Doesn’t that mean everyone was bossed at least once? Who are these bosses  anyway? What is their ulterior motive apart from taking us for a ride?

If we were to classify all the bosses in the world, they would all fit into two categories – one who knows everything & one who knows nothing. The irony is, the one who knows it all acts na├»ve (to catch you off guard), while the latter acts like a know it all (to silence you). Yet, what’s common between these two is that, ultimately they will prove us wrong – ‘you don’t know anything’. There is an old saying that, people who have the last word is considered won. Guess that’s why they don’t let us have our say. But wait, that’s so old like them! People who have the last laugh are the winners now; & laugh we do! Remember the last time you couldn’t contain your giggle which inadvertently came out while your boss with his constipated serious look was trying to explain a funny theory of his? Work life sure does throw up such gems in compensation for the solitary confinement.

During these kind of serious one to one conversations, which eventually becomes a speech by the boss, a lot of phrases thrown all-over snarls at you; all with the same remark – ‘to say this you are not needed at all’. How much ever frustrating that might be, I channel my thoughts to think about what they really need. After much deliberation, I realized what they were expecting from us all along. If you could brush through your memory, you could hear some wonderful piece of advises from your boss –
‘you shouldn’t mind burning the night oil!’,
‘why are you so impulsive? Plan everything clearly’,
‘you are all spineless – be bold will ya!’

‘Burning the night oil’, ‘be impulsive’, ‘spineless’ - Cockroach! Yes Cockroach! They want us to be cockroaches. After all, they survived the big meteorite which extinguished dinosaurs from the face of the earth. With such repertoire to their credit, they certainly  fit the bill of heeding to paradoxical statements like, ‘why didn't you just follow my instructions? Use your head!’ – Dear boss, we did use our head; that’s why. The funny fact though is that cockroaches can stay alive for many a days without their head. The next time you see a cockroach in your unclean toilet of your unclean bachelors’ apartment; tell them – ‘caught in the wrong job? Meet my boss’. 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Striking land

Baba Ramdev being felicitated with a Saropa Sword by Sikh leaders during his hunger strike against corruption at Ramlila Grounds, in New Delhi on Saturday. Photo: Sandeep Saxena

After Anna Hazare stormed the country with his fast unto death its now turn for Ramdev to hog the limelight. Like his peer he too started his rant/fight against black money & corruption at the closing ceremony of an important event (the world cup then, now the ipl) and set the date of commencement after the series ended. But there was the West Indies tour that was considered a potential threat. But thanks to Dhoni & his men the series isn't getting much coverage; a blessing in disguise for Ramdev. Overwhelmed by the response that he is receiving, Baba Ramdev has decided to push forward his agenda by roping in three hot selling stars to his campaign again corruption. Yes, it’s Salman Khan, Shilpha Shetty & Dayanidhi Maran. As always, Baba Ramdev has raised a lot of eyebrows by calling them up. Unfazed, Ramdev defends his decision. He further elaborated the press about the flow of events that he has planned with them.

Salman khan will kick start the day  by screening his ‘Ready’ early morning, sponsored by LG. On why ‘Ready’, Baba opines that ‘dinka chika’ will replace the ‘shanthi mantra’ with which he used to start his yoga practice. While the latter brings peace to your inner self former readies you for the day, apart from curing gastroenteritis. After the screening, Salman Khan will come live through 3D effect of LG tv and render a pumping speech on ‘the buck stops here’. Utilising the stage, Ramdev also plans to prove how yoga can ‘CURE’ homosexuality. Shilpha Shetty who was royally screwed (figuratively & literally) in the latest edition of IPL will do the honours.  

Following the yoga session, Ramdev will be on the hotline for an hour to receive complaints from fellow citizens. He thanked Dayanidhi Maran for being kind enough to share one of the 323 hotline numbers that he had taken out of the one connection which bsnl gave him. Maran who was present in the press briefing through web, remarked that he totally supports Ramdev and I quote, “corruption & black money is highly unacceptable of me. During my regime as telecom minister I made sure of that, by extracting all the unaccounted funds that lay in the hands of private firms.” Maran was all tears that his efforts to tap the black money went futile as Raja & kanimozhi stole it from him. Taking cue from the sudden breakdown of his guest, Ramdev quickly added that, Maran need not worry about the money as the lovebirds has entrusted a part of the fund with him. Ailing from a family party which detest the name Ram (while marrying a girl from N.Ram family) Ramdev was asked how he got acquainted with him. “It was during my annual visit to Karunanidhiji’s place that I got introduced to Maran. Karuna was very much impressed with my astrological knowledge, I guess” said Ramdev candidly. On asking about the whereabouts of his partner-in-crime, Anna Hazare, Ramdev was apologetic that, Anna was busy making Gujarat liquor free by drinking it all up. 

As a fitting finale, Ramdev slowly removed the saropa sword that was presented to him earlier & raising it, he screamed ‘for peace’ and bid adeau in his imported SUV. 
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